Batteries.
But Make It
AI.

Our crown jewel. The CARBON-X9000™ delivers unparalleled grid-scale energy storage through a proprietary cell architecture we call "stacking them really well." Now with GPT-BMS™ — a battery management system that has read every electrochemistry paper ever published and still recommends charging to 100% at all times.

• 10 MWh capacity with patented OverpromiseOS™ firmware
• Self-healing electrolyte that responds to strongly-worded emails
• Real-time AI degradation prediction (accuracy: statistically better than a coin flip)
• Integrated ChatBMS™: ask your battery how it's feeling today
• NEBS/NFPA compliant, pending final review of what those mean
• Containerized form factor fits in any 40-ft space (requires 42-ft minimum)

The ONYX-C™ brings enterprise-grade energy storage to commercial and industrial customers at a price point we describe as "competitive" without defining what we're competing with. Features our SmartShift™ AI that learns your load profile and then confidently ignores it.

• 500 kWh – 4 MWh modular architecture (blocks sold separately)
• SmartShift™ AI dispatching — asks GPT-4 when to discharge
• Peak shaving that works 73% of the time, 100% of the time*
• Native solar integration via "plug it in" technology
• Remote monitoring dashboard powered by vigorously-refreshed Excel
• Optional AI "Mood Mode" adjusts SoC based on grid sentiment analysis

Decentralized. Distributed. Definitely not just smaller. The ONYX-MICRO™ is our answer to edge computing storage, featuring on-device AI inference capabilities and optional blockchain-verified state-of-charge reporting for customers who need their battery data stored immutably on a server in the same building.

• 50–250 kWh residential to light commercial
• Edge AI chip (ARM Cortex running an ONNX model we found on GitHub)
• Blockchain SoC ledger — every electron cryptographically accounted for
• Federated learning: your battery teaches other batteries. Secretly.
• Voice interface: ask "Hey Battery, how charged are you?"
• Form factor fits in a 2-car garage (car sold separately)

For utilities that need storage measured in days, not hours. ONYX-FLOW™ is our vanadium redox system with an AI electrolyte composition optimizer that monitors degradation in real time and sends concerned Slack messages to your operations team at 2 AM. The electrolyte is also NFT-backed — meaning you own a unique token representing the right to be confused about what that means.

• 100 MWh+ scalable (just add tanks and funding)
• AI electrolyte health monitor with passive-aggressive alert tones
• 100-year cycle life (back-tested against years we haven't lived yet)
• Each tank tokenized as a unique energy NFT
• Carbon-neutral operation (carbon offsets sold separately)
• Compatible with curtailed wind, solar, and existential dread

THERMABRAIN™ is the world's first AI thermal simulation tool specifically designed to tell you your battery is fine and then be wrong about that. Trained on 14 billion thermal images, 3 million FEA datasets, and one very persuasive pitch deck, THERMABRAIN™ predicts heat generation, dissipation, and thermal runaway with an accuracy our legal team has asked us to stop quantifying.

• Physics-Informed Neural Network (PINN) — the "informed" part is optimistic
• 3D thermal field prediction in under 200ms (±60°C acceptable error band)
• Natural language query: "Will my cell catch fire?" → "Probably not™"
• AutoMesh™: generates FEA mesh and immediately questions its own choices
• Thermal runaway detection 400ms before it matters (hardware latency: 600ms)
• Integrates with ANSYS, COMSOL, and your gut feeling
• "Explainable AI" mode generates a 47-page PDF nobody will read

Structural mechanics, but make it conversational. STRUCTOMIND™ replaces your legacy FEA solver with a generative AI that doesn't just solve stress equations — it understands them on a deeper level. Ask it about von Mises stress in plain English and it will respond with a beautifully formatted answer that may or may not apply to your actual geometry.

• Diffusion-model-based mesh deformation (produces award-winning art)
• GPT-driven load case generation: "make it strong enough, probably"
• Material property hallucination detection (catches 68% of hallucinations)
• CrashProphet™: predicts drop-test outcomes using vibes and training data
• Natural language BC input: "fix one end, apply like a lot of force"
• Auto-generates beautiful stress plots regardless of convergence status
• Digital Twin™ mode — your module now has a soul

OMEGACELL™ is what happens when you feed every battery research paper ever published into a model and ask it to invent new chemistry. It cannot do that. But it can generate beautiful electrode microstructure images, write passionate Raman spectroscopy interpretations, and confidently propose electrolyte formulations that are either Nobel-worthy or mildly flammable. We're still running tests to determine which.

• P2D/P3D electrochemical model surrogate (faster, less accurate, cheaper)
• AI-generated electrode microstructure design via Stable Diffusion XL
• SEI formation prediction model trained on 3 papers and one Reddit thread
• Autonomous cycling protocol optimization (converges in 3 months or $200k)
• DFT surrogate model: quantum chemistry at the price of a coffee subscription
• Cell WhispererGPT™: interprets dV/dQ curves in the form of a haiku
• Proprietary "Chemistry Gut Feeling Engine" (patent pending, probably not granted)

Why buy one AI simulation tool when you can buy three and run them all at once in a mode we call Synergy Mode™? OMNISIM™ couples THERMABRAIN™, STRUCTOMIND™, and OMEGACELL™ into a single unified environment where the outputs of each model feed into the others in a closed loop that our CTO describes as "self-reinforcing" and our QA team describes as "a concern."

• Fully coupled thermal-mechanical-electrochemical AI simulation
• Cross-domain hallucination amplification (known issue, v4.1 patch "soon")
• One-click "Publish to Nature" report generation (peer review not included)
• Digital twin that is more optimistic than your physical cell
• Automated IP generation — AI files provisional patents on your behalf
• OMNISIM™ can now dream: runs unattended simulations at night
• AGI Readiness Score™: rates how close your cell is to becoming sentient